Recoil
by Pirate Thirteen
Summary: Post-Arrival, Rylie Shepard deals with her actions and the reactions of her crew, friends, and lover.
1. Chapter 1

When Rylie turned from the galaxy map, she came face to face with Miranda and Thane. At first she felt a rush of happiness to see them. She wanted to jump Thane and kiss him. Though that lift of a good mood faded fast when she really looked at them. The two were in their nightwear and they stared at her in shock at what had just happened. An entire star system was gone, hundreds of thousands wiped out. Rylie knew they wanted to ask about it but she didn't want to answer just yet. Not with some of the staff present that were kidnapped by Collectors. To announce that the Reapers were here may traumatize them more than they already were. It seemed best to keep the situation low key till she could at least catch her breath.

"I assume everything went fine while I was gone?" Rylie asked.

"Yes, everything was splendid," Miranda said, "What happened on your end that you've been missing for days and had to wipe out an entire system?"

"I'll answer that in my report and call for a meeting later to discuss it. The situation at the moment is to remain confidential Lawson," Rylie began to step down.

"This will be difficult to keep confidential, Shepard," Miranda said.

"You can do it," Rylie patted Miranda's shoulder as she passed, "I need a shower."

"You may wish to go to visit with Dr. Chakwas first," Thane said.

"I'll go see her later," Rylie said.

"But you're..."

Rylie immediately interrupted him, "I'm fine, I've got work to..."

"You are bleeding!" Thane snapped. Rylie spun around angry by his tone of voice. Then she looked down at the small trail of blood that led from her right to the galaxy map. There was a gash in her suit on the upper part of her right hip. Dry blood dotted her armor and belt. It was something she received from Dr. Kenson's attempted suicide. Any other time, Rylie would have tried harder to talk the person down, but when the indoctrinated doctor pulled that detonator out Rylie shot her without hesitation. Then the bomb went off anyways. She had used medi-gel to seal the wound and did a emergency patch job on the suit. It was a poor job in her rush to get off the asteroid but it at least survived the vacuum of space.

"I'll be fine. It doesn't even hurt," Rylie shrugged it off.

Miranda grabbed Rylie's arm and lifted it, "You look like you were stabbed with a butcher knife," she leaned in to inspect the gash, "That is a reopened wound after you used medigel, you've got something in there. I already called Chakwas to her lab in case you needed medical attention. You are going now," she began to drag Rylie into the elevator and Thane followed. As though the privacy of the elevator would encourage her to talk, Thane asked in a low voice:

"What happened?"

"The usual," Rylie said.

"The usual does not involve killing innocent people," Thane said, "Why didn't you report back?"

"I need to breathe, Thane, please," Rylie warned. His face became stone cold as he straightened out. Miranda and Thane were the only ones that had knowledge of what this solo mission was about. To everyone else it was classified. Miranda knew out of necessity. Rylie had to make sure someone on the Normandy knew what was going on and why she couldn't bring anyone along. Thane knew because she gave him permission to use her room whenever he wanted. When Rylie went to speak with Hackett privately, she didn't realize Thane was meditating on the couch. The discussion that followed showed that this might have been a bit of a trial for them. He didn't openly oppose her going alone, but his eyes spoke volumes that he was uncomfortable about it.

_"I'll be fine. I'll sneak in, get her out and be back in a day,"_ Rylie said.

_"I know you will,"_ he smiled.

The smile seemed genuine enough that he had complete confidence in her. When she first met him, his face seemed too alien and unreadable. In the months she had come to know him and in the little time they had taken their relationship seriously, she found herself getting the hang of reading his face. Every twitch at the corner of his lips, every flicker of his eyes, she was starting to see more going. Now in the elevator, even though he was stiff as a board, she could tell he was tired and stressed. It wasn't lack of confidence at all, he was just worried.

Miranda also displayed the cold persona she was famed for. But Rylie knew better with her too. Miranda wouldn't have bothered to drag Rylie to the elevator if she didn't care. Not returning in a timely manner probably not only worried the former Cerberus operative but had the entire crew bugging her for what was going on. For the duration of that time she probably behaved as though nothing was wrong even though everything was. Worse of all, Miranda couldn't really plan a rescue mission when it was obvious that Rylie was missing. Rylie had mentioned wanting to investigate the reaper artifact after rescuing Kenson, but did not bother to report back the location of the thing.

It was becoming more and more clear that Rylie had made one of the biggest mistakes in her life. She got too caught up in seeing the Reaper artifact Kenson had found. There didn't seem to be any danger in a few extra hours away to feed her curiosity with an Alliance run project. To see if a plan to destroy an entire star system was warranted enough. If she had taken just a few minutes to contact the Normandy and tell Miranda where she was heading for pick up in a few hours, the whole thing would have been solved days ago.

The weight on her shoulders doubled as her mind spiraled into the survivors guilt she had spent years dealing with. Only this was worse than surviving Akuze. No one could possibly tell her this time it wasn't her fault that everyone died. This wasn't just a simple failure on her part, a mistake wasn't the word for it. This was a clear headed decision that led to the total annihilation of a colony in order to protect millions. There is always another way and this time there was just a small window for it, in which she messed up.

_"You want to judge me? Look in the mirror,"_ Vasir's voice never seemed to burn more.

The three stepped out of the elevator quietly, though as they turned the corner towards the medical lab Rylie felt the Normandy spin under her feet. She put her hand against the wall and leaned her head into it, her armor pulling her down. She could feel both Thane and Miranda grab her before she completely collapsed. She recognized the feeling that came over her now.

_"I was in this zone for the whole hour,"_ Rylie said, "_That worm thing flipped me and cut my face open on the ground and I didn't feel it. Didn't even knock me out. Then after I get the shuttle into orbit, I'm was just in incredible pain, puked and passed out._"

_"Endorphins,_" Doctor Andrix smiled,_ "The body's own homemade morphine. Takes care of any pain you're feeling and makes you stronger, more resultant. Evolutions way of helping the human race survive extreme situations. When you relaxed and were safe, the endorphins went away. You passed out. The vomiting was your own stress reaction."_

The pain Rylie felt now was the same pain all over, an ache that reminded her of every plasma hit, grenade explosion, every pound of her feet hitting the ground. Her head was throbbing and now her hip was in excoriating pain. Then she dry heaved. She hadn't eaten in a while, there was nothing to puke, but she still got that awful taste in her mouth from whatever fluid did come up. There was one thing different from post-Akuze. Instead of completely blacking out next, the visions made a return.

The same old flashes of metal and flesh, screams, destruction and death. Then something new. A much more personal attack. A reaper running through the Citadel, destroying everything and attacking everyone that she cared for. Thane, Miranda, Chakwas, Kaidan, _everyone_. She could do nothing but watch helplessly as they were brutally killed. Crushed, melted down and turned to dust.

_No, please no!_

When she came back to reality she was lying down on her side, her entire body was numb and everything bright white except for a green blur not too far from her.

"Thane?" she whispered. The green blur moved, coming more into focus. It was his arm, he was standing over her.

"Don't move," his voice rumbled softly as he put his hand on her face.

"Please, don't move Shepard," Chakwas warned from somewhere.

"What is going on in there? Is she okay?" came Tali's voice over a com.

"She is fine, her injuries are being attended to," Miranda responded, "Now if you don't mind..."

"Just tell us what the hell happened?" Garrus asked over the com, "Where has she been?"

"Again, I am not at liberty to discuss that right now," Miranda responded, "We will have..."

"An entire batarian colony was destroyed this morning," Jacob spoke up next, "did she have anything to do with that?"

"...We will have a meeting when the Commander is in better condition for it," Miranda said with a more annoyed tone, "I ask that you all have patience until then and leave the Commander in peace for now. EDI, block communications with the med lab now."

"Communications blocked until further notice," EDI said.

"I almost have the last shard out," Chakwas said.

"Good. Then we can move her to her room before anyone else wakes," Miranda said. From the sound of heels clicking on the floor, she had the chance to change into uniform. In Rylie's slowly clearing vision though, Thane was still in his sleepwear.

"What happened?" Rylie asked.

"You had some shards of metal in your hip," Chakwas said, "The rest of your armor did its job and protected you from the explosion you experienced. Just this point on your hip, the metal managed to burn right through your under suit ," there was a small clatter before Chakwas continued, "And that was the last one."

"As always, thank you Doctor," Rylie said.

"Of course Commander. I'll seal the wound back up and in another ten minutes the sedative should wear off," Chakwas said. There was a short hissing noise and Rylie's hip was numbly tugged a few times, "I do have one question though. Are the visions back? You were showing some unusual brain readings again."

"Yes. They are," Rylie said weakly, "Object Rho zapped me like the prothean beacons did. It's how Kenson captured me. They were indoctrinated by it and tried to sedate me for two days."

"Fortunately the cybernetics I put in you did their job ," Miranda said, "I'm sure the visions are the same old warning, so we don't need to hear anymore."

"Not a warning," Rylie's voice cracked a little.

"Not a warning?" Thane asked.

"It was a hello," she said as she patted Thane's hand. The silence in the room was heavy, but Rylie continued anyways, "Kenson and her team had planned to throw that rock at that relay to slow the Reapers down. They were going to warn the Batarians in time. When the team became indoctrinated they weren't going through with it any longer till I showed up. A year at the most and the Reapers will be everywhere."

"Oh God, " Chakwas gasped, "What are we going to do?" Rylie pressed her lips together hard when she realized she had opened her mouth in a semi-drugged state.

"Nothing," Rylie said.

"Nothing? We can't do nothing," Chakwas raised her voice.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have talked about that in front of you," Rylie rolled onto her back to look at Chakwas. All she saw instead was a light blur she could only assume was the doctor, "Then again the truth would have come out soon enough. I've spared as much time as I can for the galaxy. There's nothing we can do now till the Reapers make their first move."

"Don't say that," Chakwas said, "What's wrong with you, this isn't the Shepard I know. Millions are going to die if you don't do something!"

"Oh believe me, I want to do everything I can to stop them," Rylie's voice cracked again, "We could try to figure out what relay the Reapers will try to use next. It's just half the galaxy is probably going to be breathing down my neck for what I did long before we figure that out. For all we know there is another uncharted relay just like the Mu Relay that they're going for. Even if we do manage to find the next relay, what are we going to do then? Throw another rock at it? There's just nothing to do but keep warning everyone and wait."

"We should have kept the collector base," Miranda said.

"No. That would have been bad," Rylie said.

"You destroyed it out of superstitious fear and because you hate the Illusive Man," Miranda said.

"Superstitious fear!" Rylie shouted, "Miranda have you been paying attention at all? Didn't you see what happened to those people on that derelict reaper? Didn't you hear what I just said about Dr. Kenson and her team? The same thing would have happened on that base. The Illusive Man would have abused it for research that would just hurt more people."

"We should have taken the risk," Miranda argued, "The Reapers are on our doorstep and we have absolutely nothing."

"We can we still fight them," Rylie said.

"With what?" Miranda asked.

"Everything that everyone has, down to tooth and nail," Rylie said.

"No one will listen to you. They'll put you in chains first for terrorism," Miranda said.

"I'm going to keep warning them anyways. I need to write a report on what happened to give to Hackett," Rylie said.

"Are you going to turn yourself in?" Thane asked.

"No," Rylie shook her head, "Hell no."

"Why not?" Thane asked.

"I joined the Alliance to keep myself out of prison. I'm not about to let them put me in prison when I did the right thing to try to protect everyone," Rylie said.

"If you want to run it would be smarter not to write your damn report," Miranda said, "You blew up any evidence of being there and they'll have a difficult time pinning it on you."

"I've got to tell them what I did and why. I've got to warn them," Rylie said.

"Then running will not be in your favor," Thane said, "It'll only make things worse considering the poor relations humans and batarians already have."

"It was a trap, I did everything I could and people still died. I am not going to prison over that," Rylie started to sit up but Thane caught her trying to slow her down, "Will ya cut it out!" she shoved him away and then put her hand on her forehead as she waited for the head rush to pass,"I need to go write that report."

By the time she realized what she did, he was already at the med lab door unlocking it, "Thane, wait a minute!" Rylie scooted to the edge of the bed and stepped down only to fall flat on her face. When she looked back up he was gone. The door shut and locked, "God damn it," she pushed herself up on her knees and rubbed her forehead feeling her head throb again.

"You deserved that," Miranda said. Chakwas came up beside Rylie to help her back up into the bed. All the while the Commander glared over at Miranda sitting at Chakwas's desk, "It was good that he knew where you were. He was remarkably calm while you were gone. If he hadn't remained calm, I think the rest of the crew would have been more difficult to deal with. They looked at him, he wasn't worried, so they didn't worry. Except when we talked in private the second day you were missing. Then his true concerns came out," Miranda stood up, "Anyways, you must be famished. I'll have a meal sent up to your room. I look forward to reading your report, Commander" She turned and left the room without another word. Chakwas flashed a light into Rylie's eyes.

"Why did I do that? He was just worried about me," Rylie said.

"You're used to handling these sort of things alone, not having someone coddle you," Chakwas said as she walked over to the sink to wash her hands, "He was once too though, I'm sure he understands. You broke him out of his shell and he let you into his difficult world. He just wants to return the favor. You really should talk to him as soon as you can."

"Later, I have to write this report," Rylie said.

"That report isn't going to give a damn about how you feel and think," Chakwas spoke harshly.

"What I feel and think won't matter when the Reapers find another relay," Rylie said.

"You've always been so selfless," Chakwas picked up a neatly folded uniform from another bed and brought it over to Rylie, " Save everyone else first, not worry about yourself. That's why you died," Chakwas helped Rylie get the medical gown off, "Remember when I asked you how you were feeling. You said the heroic, idealistic thing you always do. Everyone is counting on us. And with what you've just said... not doing anything, not turning yourself in. It's not like you."

"I'm not giving up, I'm just not perfect," Rylie said pulling the uniform shirt over her head, "I... need to breathe."

"I have faith still that you did this for all the right reasons, even though it cost so much. You are saying the things that you are saying and you insist on writing this report all because you feel guilt," Chakwas handed Rylie the uniform pants which she immediately put on. The sedative had finally worn off and she could stand on her feet again, "Writing the report will only give you temporary relief. Just give Thane a chance to support you through this, take a breather with him. The two of you have little time left. You're going to regret not talking to him while you have the chance."

"How bad is he now..." Rylie asked.

"He's stable but in pain. He's got too much pride to admit it," Chakwas said, "When you shoved him he winced pretty badly."

"God damn it, I'm an idiot," Rylie said.

"Go rectify that," Chakwas said, "Then make sure you eat something. Come back to me later so that I may do a routine checkup just in case. I didn't see any other unusual readings, I don't think Object Rho did anything else to you, but you never know."

"Yes," Rylie nodded. Then she pulled Chakwas into a hug, "Thank you."

"Uh...you're welcome Commander," Chakwas chuckled a little as she hugged Rylie back. Rylie let go and began to walk away but stopped when she heard Chakwas let out a sigh.

"Are you going to be alright," Rylie asked looking back.

"Yes. I've always wondered what it would be like should the Reapers actually come, " Chakwas said, "At least you have given us plenty of warning and more time. There is a lot of preparing we must do. I'll be ready for it though."

"Okay, but if you need anything just tell me," Rylie said.

"Go take care of your needs first, then worry about me," Chakwas said.

As Rylie finally stepped out of the med bay, she looked towards the mess hall which seemed to hush as soon as she did. Along with the few former Cerberus crew, there was Garrus, Tali, Mordin and Zaeed. The awkward silence finally ended when Tali spoke up.

"Are you alright Shepard?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine for now," Rylie said as she continued to walk.

"We don't sacrifice lives for the sake of the mission, eh?" Zaeed said after her, "How's that working for ya?"

_Shut up you old fuck._ Rylie walked the path that went directly behind the elevator.

"That was just a tad much Zaeed," Garrus said.

"Oh, what was it you just said to Jacob. I hope she has a good excuse after all her preaching or something?" Zaeed said.

"I did not say that, you're twisting my words," Garrus said.

"I'm sorry. My hearing must be going bad then," Zaeed said. As she passed the elevator, Rylie reached her hand out making the doors open and shut. Then she stood outside the door to life support. The mess hall seemed to relax with the thought she had left and returned to the low rumble of conversation. She didn't pay attention to what they were saying. She was stuck on the life support door's green lit holo. Thane hadn't locked himself in, he was waiting for her. Her mind raced on what she was going to say to him, how she should approach this without saying something else stupid.

_Just be open about it. It will make you feel better. You know that._

"Shep! You're back!" came Kasumi's voice. Rylie winced and looked down the hallway to see Kasumi and Samara coming from the women's restroom.

"It's good to see you made a safe return," Samara smiled.

"Is something the matter?" Kasumi asked, eyeing Thane's door.

"Hah!" Zaeed's laugh echoed the hall.

"I'm calling a meeting later," Rylie said.

"Uh...okay, this must be a bad time, see you at that meeting," Kasumi said. Both she and Samara walked down the curved hallway out of sight. Rylie finally opened the door to life support and walked in. Like so many times before, there Thane sat with his back to her at that table.

"Do you want to talk?" she asked.

"I think the better question is do you want to talk?" Thane asked without turning.

"I do," Rylie walked around the table and sat across from him, folding her hands on the table and staring directly into his eyes. She took a deep breath and began, "I'm sorry. I know that you were just worried about me. I should have handled myself better when I came back. I didn't even act like I was happy to see you again. I barely even acknowledged you and I kept pushing you away. I don't know why I shoved you like that. I want you to know that this was not how I really felt about seeing you again...I just..."

"I know what it's like on the other side now," Thane said, "Waiting and worrying. Unsure if you will return at all, and if you do, will you be okay."

"I'm sorry," Rylie said.

"And I know it's only going to become worse now after what has happened," Thane said.

"I'm so sorry," Rylie said.

"But I have experienced what it's like on your side," Thane continued, " I know how much it matters to have someone stay yours despite everything. To wait for you to come home and welcome you, even if you are not in the best state for that welcome. Even if its days, weeks, months at a time that I'll be waiting."

"Thank you..." Rylie swallowed hard. He reached out and took her hands in his own, "Thank you so much," Rylie squeezed his hands tight, "After I..." she pointed at her right quickly, then grabbed his hand again, "...woke up from that explosion. I heard alarms blaring and this warning, 'Collision Imminent.' There was absolutely nothing else I could do, all communications were still down and there was half an hour left to get off that rock. All I could think about was getting back to you. I wanted to hear your voice again, hear you call me Siha. I wanted to see you smile, and hold you and feel your scaly skin even though it sometimes gives me a rash. That sounded really weird saying that out loud, " she pressed her lips together a moment then continued, "the point is that I realized I love you, " she let out a shakey breath and then words continued to spill out of her mouth,

"My conscious is killing me Thane. I should have reported back, I let my guard down and trusted Kenson. I wanted to see Object Rho, I wanted to see if the threat was real enough to do what they planned, I had no idea what was going to happen. It was an Alliance project, but I still should have contacted Miranda before going and I didn't. Now all those people are dead," tears began to roll down her cheeks. Thane pulled his chair down, sitting next to her and wrapping his arms around her, "When I became a Spectre I swore I would never do this, swore I would never kill even one single innocent life to get a mission done. Now I've screwed up. I'm just as bad as Saren and Vasir and it kills me inside."

"You are not like them," Thane said, "You did not intentionally plan to kill those people, let alone risk their lives. You said yourself you wanted to see if the threat was real enough. You didn't want to destroy that system till you knew and could warn them."

"Yeah, but who said Saren and Vasir planned to kill anyone till they had no other option to," Rylie said.

"You did everything you could to warn that colony, did you not?" Thane asked.

"I tried, but Kenson blocked me," Rylie said.

"That is the difference between you and Saren or Vasir. They wouldn't have bothered."

"It makes no difference if I tried to warn them or not. Those people still died. Their blood are on my hands," Rylie said.

"That may be true, but It makes all the difference that you tried," Thane said, "Seeing you like this and knowing you tried, it is a relief to me. I was worried by your behavior that you did not care about what you did."

"I care, I care so much, but I...it doesn't matter now. What's done is done. I am paying for this in more ways than one. My conscious is going to keep me up at night, my reputation is already in the shitter because of Cerberus and now this has pulverized it. When they come to arrest me, I'm probably never going to see you again Thane. You know they're not going to let you come with me. Those Reapers are going to attack whether we're together again or not."

"Whatever happens I believe we will see each other again," he leaned his head into hers. " You will be in my prayers, please tell me I will be in your thoughts at least."

"I might pick up praying. You've already got me meditating," Rylie said. She gently touched his chest, "I'm sorry I shoved you, are you okay?"

"I am fine, Siha," he whispered, "I love you."

"I love you," Rylie said kissing him softly. He reached up and wiped away a few more tears from her cheeks, "I need to get my report done and tell everyone what's happened."

"And eat something," Thane said.

"Yes, that too," she slowly pulled away from him, rubbing her face dry.

"I'll be up in a little bit," Thane said standing to move out of her way, "For now I wish to meditate."

"Okay," Rylie said standing up. She hugged him tight and kissed him again.

"Are you going to turn yourself in?" Thane asked again.

"If the Alliance asks me too," Rylie said.

"Then I hope there is a little time for us before then," Thane said. When Rylie finally broke away from him and left life support, she immediately walked across the hallway into the men's restroom.

"Shepard, the..."

"I know EDI," Rylie turned the sink on to wash her face. She snorted her nose and spat mucus back out. Then she just leaned into the sink, watching the water go down the drain for a moment. She couldn't decide if she felt worse or better. Better that she cleared the air with Thane, but worse because reality was hitting all the more harder. She turned the water off. Only the sound of pouring water continued. She looked over to see Jacob standing naked in the showers, hands cupped in front of him.

"Oh geez, sorry Jacob," she turned immediately and grabbed a towel off the wall to dry her face.

"You're fine commander," Jacob said. He seemed pretty calm about the situation.

"Please don't tell anyone you saw me crying," Rylie said.

"Didn't see a thing if you didn't," Jacob said.

"Got it," She left, about to go for the elevator when she stopped. She peered down the curved hallway that led to Miranda's office. Then she detoured down it. The awkward silence in the mess hall was still there as she passed. She took a quick glance and saw that the crowd had grown larger. Jack and Grunt had joined and of course all that were present were staring at her. Without a word she continued into Miranda's office.

"I thought you had a report to write," Miranda said as Rylie came around the desk, "I had breakfast sent to your room already."

"Stand up," Rylie ordered.

"Why?" Miranda hesitated.

"I want to give you a hug," Rylie said.

"What?" Miranda leaned away.

"I don't know exactly what's going to happen from here on out, but if I don't take the chance to thank you now I may not have the chance again later. I couldn't have done anything without you, Lawson. You have been invaluable to me, as my second in command and more importantly, one of my closest friends. It was rough to start off with our different opinions, but we worked it out and I am really going to miss working alongside you." They stared at each other quietly a moment. Then Rylie held her arms out with a small smile on her face. Miranda nodded her head, then cleared her throat as she stood up and immediately hugged the Commander.

"I am going to miss working with you too," Miranda said over Rylie's shoulder, "I will not forget what you have done for me. And your support. Thank you," She pulled away and patted Rylie's back, "Now go write your report. I'll edit it to make sure you don't make a idiot of yourself telling the Alliance about what you've done."

"No run on sentences," Rylie said as she turned for the doorway.

"Good girl," Miranda said as she sat back down.

"Meeting at nine, tell Chakwas I'll be back in her office by ten," Rylie said before the door opened.

"Yes Commander."


	2. Chapter 2

Dismissed. Everybody on the Normandy was dismissed. They were all informed what had happened and the reason why left an uncomfortable, cold feeling on the ship. Their services were no longer needed, they were free to go without any guilt. Rylie Shepard wasn't about to drag them down with her as accused accomplices for the destruction of the Bahak system. Many of them had already set out plans to part ways since the Commander hadn't seemed to produce anything for them to do next. Even with the new revelation that the Reapers were there, she still could not produce anything but the eventuality that the Alliance would arrest her.

"If any of you can think of anything, that's great. Do it. I just won't be able to take part in it, " she said. Over the next couple of weeks there was a quiet tour around the galaxy as everyone was dropped off at their requested locations. The ones who stubbornly remained only made Rylie feel sick to her stomach as opposed to the love of loyal friends. Over time she convinced them to take off on their own till it came down to only six remaining on the Normandy. Chakwas, Gabby, Kenneth, and Joker who all had a reason she had a difficult time getting around. They were former Alliance and would have nothing else to do but go back to the Alliance. Going back to Cerberus at this rate was out of the question.

With Thane, he was determined to stay and she didn't really want to force him to go. At the same time he was in no way supportive of her decision to delay her arrest. Mostly he remained quiet about his opinion on the matter. Part of it out of his usual polite and respectful attitude. Other than that there was the unspoken, mutual realization that if she turned herself in they would be parted for an unknown amount of time. So he failed to really push her. He really didn't need to use words to push her, her own thoughts about him were enough to start pushing her. There was growing concern that she was taking precious time from his son. Kolyat had begun to respond to Thane's messages, but that wouldn't be enough to completely mend the relationship. It was just a sign Kolyat wanted to give his father the chance.

"I don't want you to feel split between us. Actually, I don't want you to feel you have a choice at all. Go find a way to be with him, I'm out of the question," Rylie said.

"That will be difficult," Thane said, "Speaking to him in person again, seems so much more daunting than infiltrating a prison for a few visits. But, I must get over it. Not being with him has caused more problems than solved."

"You two need something to bond over. You know, I've always thought that if I had a dad it would be great if he took me to a shooting range..." the severe look she got from Thane made her rethink the idea, "Okay, bad idea. Maybe you can build something together?"

"Like what?"

"Uh...a desk? Um, you know what. Get him a pet. Get him a dog," Rylie said.

"A dog?" Thane said.

"Yeah... does he even know about us?" Rylie asked.

"I am reserving that for a more appropriate time," Thane said.

"Then wait to give him the dog after you tell him about us...wait no...I don't want him thinking that I'm trying to win him over with gifts. Get it before, act like the dog was completely your idea," Rylie said.

"Then I will look like I am trying to win him over with gifts," Thane said.

"It won't mean the same thing though. See, you're his father trying to mend your relationship after making a mistake you clearly regret. I'm the alien woman sleeping with his father that punched him in the face, "Rylie said.

"I see," Thane said.

"You two will bond. Train him, take him for walks, give him some baths. The dog I mean, not Kolyat," Rylie said.

"I like that idea," Thane smiled.

Then there was Garrus. He was being the most difficult about parting ways. It wasn't just loyalty and friendship keeping him around. He pitifully had nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no job. Rylie wished he had taken her advice to go back to C-Sec. Then again, he wouldn't be himself if he listened to her. He also wouldn't have been able to rejoin. She may have no longer had issues with the Cerberus crew she worked with, but in the beginning, she really needed someone around she could trust and Garrus was a miracle. Over time they developed a closer friendship than what they had on their first adventure together. When the last time Garrus and Rylie parted ways, it was a quick good bye, "nice knowing you" and "thanks for your help." This time going their separate ways felt more like she was kicking a beloved, helpless brother out on the street when all he wanted to do is help. It just had to be done for his own good.

"Anywhere Garrus, anywhere at all. I'll just take the Normandy there and drop you off," Rylie said.

"I don't want to go anywhere," Garrus shook his head.

"You could go back to Palaven. Visit family and old friends," Rylie said.

"No. The Reapers are here and you're going to need help fighting them. I'm staying by your side even if they arrest you," Garrus said.

"If they arrest me?" Rylie asked.

"You can't just give up and let them arrest you. We've got to think of something," Garrus said.

"I've got nothing and I can't run forever. I've destroyed a lot of lives, I've got everyone's attention. Best thing to do is turn myself in and answer why. Maybe I'll get the Alliance spooked enough to listen to me," Rylie said.

"Then why haven't you done it already if that's the best idea," Garrus asked.

"Because," Rylie said.

"That explains everything," Garrus said.

"Part of me is hoping something will come up. Realistically, I've got nothing and I'm just being a stubborn ass until my superiors tell me to go in," Rylie said. Holding it off seemed more pointless and childish as time went on, but Admiral Hackett was giving her precious time she couldn't refuse.

"If you're going to delay, then just delay it as long as possible so we can figure something out," Garrus said.

"If I had a lead, then yeah sure. I don't and I can't run forever. The Reapers in the visions, there are thousands of them. Maybe hundredths of thousands, maybe even millions. We'll need to use everything we've got and everyone is still blind to the threat. Now that I'm a fugitive, it's going to be harder to convince them. Delaying longer won't help," Rylie said.

"They will continue to be blind until the Reapers attack. By then it will be too late," Garrus said.

"It's already too late. We just need to make the most of it. Prepare, warn who we can and fight when they make their first move. We make the first move as unprepared as we are now we lose," Rylie said. Garrus shifted uncomfortably.

"We're screwed aren't we?" Garrus asked.

"No. Something will come up, I'm sure," Rylie looked over to watch Thane walk into the mess hall, holding his favorite mug in hand, "There's a plate of food for you in the stove keeping warm."

"What's the occasion?" Thane smiled.

"The end of all life as we know it," Garrus said, "You might want to grab a lot of spice and sauce. She had to ask me how to turn the stovetop on."

Thane glared back at Garrus before he opened the stove, "I'm sure that what she has made is delicious."

"No, really," Rylie spoke up, "The eggs are a bit dry and the sausage rubbery. It's Garrus' fault though. He calibrated the stove wrong," she shot a look at Garrus before she sipped from her glass of orange juice. When Gardner left meals had become every person for themselves. This morning Rylie had an extra concern on her mind that delayed her own breakfast. Thane had gone to bed earlier than usual, then he slept in. Ever since her conversation with Chakwas, red flags went off in her head over little things like coughs and weird sounding grunts. Now this inconsistent, sleep pattern seemed more than just a little thing. She hung around her room and waited for him to wake up for the usual morning routine they had adopted. When too much time passed, she sat on the edge of the bed next to him, and gently woke him to ask if he was feeling okay. She offered to bring him breakfast in bed. He assured her everything was fine and that he would be down shortly. When she usually was one of the first to the mess hall, she was one of the last. Knowing that Thane would be the last there that morning, she whipped up breakfast for the both of them. That was over half an hour ago.

_Maybe he just meditated the last half hour. Did his morning routine without me. Which is totally fine. We don't need to do everything together._

While Thane warmed some milk for his mug, she couldn't help but to watch him closely and look for any other red flag.

_His green looks off. Definitely lighter than usual. Something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong. _

"Why aren't you trying to force Thane to go?" Garrus asked.

"He can go if he wants to," Rylie said.

"I choose to stay for now," Thane said as he sat down next to Rylie.

"I want to stay. Why does he have the privilege to come and go when he wants?" Garrus asked.

"Because I am greatly privileged," Thane then leaned in to kiss Rylie on the cheek. There was a bit of a sting in the comment.

_He's here out of loyalty and I'm abusing it. I'm a great girlfriend._

Both Rylie and Garrus watched quietly as Thane picked up a piece of sausage and put it into his mouth. As he chewed his eyes flickered quickly but he managed to keep a straight face.

_Poker face._

"See, he's not going to say anything because he's privileged," Garrus said.

"Nonsense, it tastes fine," Thane used a spoon to scoop up some of the scrambled eggs into his mouth.

"I think that translates to I prefer Shepard's bed to my cot in life support," Garrus said.

"Shut up Garrus," Rylie said.

"Perhaps I should offer a suggestion for where he could go," Thane smiled.

"That is so thoughtful of you," Rylie chuckled.

"You guys are my best friends," Garrus spoke with an exaggerated tone, "I feel so much like I belong here and I'm still... hungry," he picked up his plate and stood.

"That's right, eat all your remaining food cause I'm not buying you anymore," Rylie said.

"How is that suppose to scare me? There's at least two month's worth left for me. You'll turn yourself in long before that," Garrus said.

"Get off my ship!" Rylie shouted.

"You can't make me!" Garrus shouted as he marched over to the kitchen. Rylie turned back to Thane just in time to see what she thought was a wince while is drank from his mug.

"You really don't have to eat it," Rylie said in a low tone, "I don't remember the last time I warmed up something premade let alone put something together."

"The meal is fine, Siha," Thane smiled.

"Honestly? Cause I could barely stomach it myself," she half smiled.

"Why would you make a plate for me if you think it is that bad?" Thane asked.

Rylie shrugged, drinking her orange juice as she tried to find an answer. Then she said, "It's the thought that counts."

"I sense you're more concerned about something other than your ability to cook," Thane said.

"Are you feeling okay," Rylie asked him abruptly.

"Yes," Thane quietly studied her a moment, "Why do you ask...again?"

"You went to bed early, then slept in and I think you might look a little pale today," Rylie shrugged again. A surprised look came across his face. It made her involuntarily shrug again with her lips pressed together this time. She had not asked about his illness since he had joined the Normandy's crew. Thane had wanted to fight, he was showing superb skills and didn't drag down the whole operation at all. Hell, if she were terminal ill, she would want to keep fighting till her last breath too and wouldn't want to be patronized about it. With that it became too easy for her to overlook it. Time passed quickly and even faster when she fell for him. The illness had to have progressed far by now.

"Nothing is wrong, I feel fine ," Thane smiled reassuringly.

"You sure?" Rylie asked.

"There are larger issues that you need to deal with right now. I am the least of your worries," Thane said.

"You're still a pretty important one," she said.

"I already planned to visit Chakwas this morning. I'm taking care of it, don't worry," Thane said.

Before she was in blissful ignorance and now she hated herself for that. During the past week she attempted to look up Kepral's and found very limited information out on the extranet about it. The information was usually in long text books and doctor journals with medical terms she did not understand. Fatigue was a word though that she could understand. It was merely the beginning of a much more external deterioration as opposed to the internal that had already been in place for months. Depending on a number of factors, the next stage could be abrupt and Thane would be gone before she could ever see him again. Or it would be slow, painful, and she would end up watching him suffer to the end. Neither were pleasant but despite that, she wanted to know what she was about to face with him.

As for cures, it was as he had said from the start. There was nothing. When she peeked into the top hanar labs that studied Kepral's, they had no requests or needs besides credit donations and miracles. So she donated. That was the extent of what she could do for now. She couldn't announce that she was Commander Shepard and wanted to cure her boyfriend to see if something would pop up. Not with genocide being associated with that name right now. She hadn't felt so completely helpless and stupid since her homeless childhood.

_I'm stressed, I'm overreacting. I could probably find symptoms on the extranet that would say he has drell chicken pox and is going to die tomorrow. I am not a doctor. He would tell me if something is seriously wrong, if there is something I could do. He wouldn't hide it. Or maybe he would because I'm stressed and the galaxy is about to come under attack and he doesn't want me to worry about him. Son of a bitch. He would do that._

Breakfast with Garrus flouting around didn't seem like a time to go deeper on the subject. It would have to be saved for after his visit with Chakwas. So Rylie turned to work to keep her mind off of everything. That was easy. The usual work around the Normandy had increased as she attempted to fill in several work positions that now lay vacant. Not everything she was able to do, but the technical side and cleaning she was fully capable of. Fortunately EDI was fully capable of doing the bulk of the work.

Then her day ended with watching and reading news reports. After Akuze, after becoming a Spectre, after saving the Citadel, it still was a surreal feeling to see the news reports centered around her. For first time it did not cast a positive light on her. Across the screen of her terminal she saw hundreds of people carrying signs that spoke out against her. More than the batarians wanted to see her pay for her crime.

"Protests broke out today both at the Alliance Headquarters on Earth and at Citadel Tower," the asari journalist said, "The protests are in demand that Commander Shepard be arrested and face trial for her alleged involvement of the destruction of the Bahak system. The earth protests remained relatively peaceful, however on the Citadel, members of the human political party Terra Firma clashed violently with the protesters. The violence lasted about twenty minutes before C-Sec was able to get it under control. Fifty-three arrests were made, twenty-eight were hospitalized, and eight were killed, including the tragic death of a six year old turian child.

"Terra Firma has declared Shepard's alleged actions as justice served due to countless past human and batarian conflicts. The very recent events of entire human colonies going silent are allegedly believed to be due to batarian slavers. With Shepard's rumored investigation into the disappearances, many believe that retaliation on her part does not seem too far fetched," the camera then zoomed out from the asari journalist and as she spoke, images of two humans appeared to her left.

"To discuss this hot topic with me today I have journalist Emily Wong who worked along with and had a rare personal interview with Commander Shepard. I also have one of the leaders of today's Earth protests, Caleb Johnson. Thanks to both of you for joining me today," Both Wong and Johnson nodded their heads and said their thanks, "Now, Ms. Wong I would like to start with you since you know Commander Shepard. Do you think these accusations of terrorism against the batarians are true?"

Wong shook her head, "No I think it is ridiculous. Commander Shepard has been the prime example of peace and tolerance amongst species. She defended the citadel against Saren with the help of the turian Garrus Vakarian, the asari Liara T'Soni, the krogan Urdnot Wrex, and the quarian Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. She commanded to prioritize the council's safety, which at the time had no human representative, and that plan involved the sacrifice of hundreds of Alliance soldiers. If she were somehow involved with the destruction of Bahak, she did not intentionally commit the act. "

"Johnson I see you shaking your head over there, why?"

"She has not always supported tolerance with alien species. Let's not forget her past involvement with violent, hate group from Earth known as the Tenth Street Reds. She was practically raised with them in an atmosphere of hatred."

"When she confirmed that rumor in my interview, she made no hesitation and said that was no longer part of her. She left it behind for the Alliance and a better life," Wong said, "When she was a part of the group they were a bunch of teenagers in a fledgling gang on Earth that had no interaction with alien species. They did not become a hate group until they left Earth and by then she had long been with the Alliance."

"Then what about the countless reports that she has broken off from Alliance and is now working with the notorious terrorist group Cerberus," Johnson asked, "We know now she has purposely remained out of the spotlight for two years. The entire time the Alliance said she is dead, while sightings of her and an altered Normandy with a Cerberus logo have been reported all over the galaxy. Now this has happened and the Alliance no longer denies that she is alive."

Wong spoke up, "What she has been doing is a mystery, no doubt, but there is no way that she would defect to work with Cerberus. With her help, she eliminated many Cerberus illegal experiments. She even encouraged a Cerberus scientist to come forward and confirm the groups involvement with the tragedy at Akuze. The very event that brought Shepard into the spotlight in the first place. Why would she defect to the terrorist group that brought such destruction to her life and she in turn fought so hard against?"

"I think you are running out of ideas Mr. Johnson," the asari said.

"Then why is she hiding? If Commander Shepard is the pure, heroic woman that has been praised all these years, why doesn't she come forward and defend herself. Why is she hesitating to admit she is wrong now? This confirms an intentional terrorist action on her part. There are too many coincidences, links and rumors adding up. The Alliance should have arrested her the second it was rumored she was involved with the destruction of the Bahak system. Instead they help her hide by not actively seeking her out for arrest. It looks like the Alliance supports what she has done. Which is wrong. If we as humans want peace and harmony with other species, then she should be arrested and put on trial with the death penalty on the table..."

The screen suddenly turned off and Rylie looked up at Thane as he pulled his hand away from the consul.

"Things are getting really bad," Rylie leaned forward against her desk. Thane reached out and rubbed her back gently.

"I'm not sure how much longer you can do this," Thane said.

"Not much longer," Rylie turned towards him, "How did your visit with Chakwas go?" He removed his hand from her back, straightening out and folding his hands behind his back.

_Poker face._

"I am fine. You have nothing to worry about, I assure you," Thane said.

"I have everything to worry about," Rylie stood up, "So please, tell me the ugly truth. I can handle it I promise you."

"Has this all shaken your confidence up this much?" Thane asked, "I told you we will see each other again."

"That's not the problem right now, Thane, I just care to know about your health. I can't continue thinking everything is fine. Eventually it will be a point I'd have to be dumb to think nothing is wrong. At least if I know what is happening with you I'll be better prepared instead of having it thrown at me later by surprise. Don't you think?" Rylie asked. Thane nodded quietly and his face hardened as he looked over at the fish tank.

"My health has declined, however, I am currently stable in such a way it is difficult to predict anything. Chakwas does not know how long the stability will last," Thane said.

"How far... I mean... I had read that lung transplants..." she slowed down as she saw him shake his head. She felt her own chest tighten at the heartbreaking look on his face.

"I am afraid it is too little too late for that now," Thane said, "I am still viable but the waiting list is a very long list and there are few drell with healthy lungs to give. A year ago I had refused to add myself so that place could go to someone else... with a life to live. Back then, things may have been more hopeful. Now I am in such a stage that next month they may have to remove me."

"So you are on the list," Rylie said.

"Yes, of course," Thane nodded.

"Then why are you saying it's too little too late? If you're still viable for a transplant there is still hope, " Rylie said.

"There is your confidence," Thane smiled for a moment but it just as quickly faded, "And what will happen if I am removed from that list?"

"Then I want to know about it. I want to hear every detail till your last breath, I don't care how horrible it is. You're here for me and my crap, then I'm here for you and your crap, even if we're on completely different sides of the galaxy. That's how's how a serious relationship like this is suppose to work right?" Rylie asked.

"Yes," Thane smiled.

"The last guy I was with, I wasn't very open and didn't pay attention, so we drifted apart. I don't want to repeat that with you," Rylie said.

"I am glad to hear. I thought it would be better if we never spoke of it. I didn't want to add more burdens to you. Now I see it is far more relieving," Thane said.

"If you're a burden you're one of those well worth it types. Without you I don't see anything getting better for me. Only worse," Rylie wrapped her arms around him and leaned her head on his shoulder, "How are you feeling today?"

"Better now than this morning, I..." he let out a sigh, "I've been experiencing some chest pains in the past few weeks. They are very infrequent. Chakwas has given me some medication to help take care of it when it flares up."

"How bad are they?" Rylie asked.

"Nothing I can't handle. I may as well be fully honest though. There are side effects," Thane said.

"It makes you tired?" Rylie asked.

"No... once the medication takes effect, it kills my sense of smell and taste," Thane said.

"What?" she lifted her head.

"I am sorry. I have no idea what the meal you made tasted like. I was very hungry though. It was satisfying in that way," Thane said. Rylie pressed her lips together hard for a moment.

"Please don't tell Garrus that, I will never hear the end of it," Rylie said.

"Why would I when I emasculated him by eating nearly three plates of food," Thane said.

"I think I prefer the idea you were motivated to stay in my bed," Rylie said.

"Ah, no siha," Thane shook his head.

"No?"

"It was my prevailing love for you that made me eat what you made," Thane said.

"Bullshit," Rylie laughed.

"And I know that you may threaten to send me back to my cot, but you will never force me to. You want me in your bed," Thane smiled.

"Well that part's true," Rylie leaned in to kiss him.

EDI's voice came into the room, "Commander Shepard, I do not wish to interrupt but..."

"What happened now?" Rylie asked.

"Admiral Anderson wishes to speak to you privately," EDI finished. Rylie pressed her lips together again as she stared quietly into Thane's eyes.

"Tell him I'll be just a minute," Rylie responded then she said to Thane, "Go get your bags packed. We're going on that desert vacation."

Thane took a step back from her, blinking rapidly, "Rylie, don't you think that is inappropriate?"

"What? They need to arrest me somewhere," she smiled, "Might as well plan it out so we can spend a day of quality time before that happens."

"I see," Thane perked up quite a bit, "But most of my things are up here now."

"Then go tell Garrus to pack his things," Rylie said.

"You are bringing him with us..." Thane said.

"So we can ditch him at the port," Rylie said.


	3. Chapter 3

The desert vacation had been in progress for a while. Before the destruction of Bahak, Rylie was able to get in contact with Admiral Ahern. He had his retirement home on Intai'sei returned to his ownership after her "supposed death." Ahern had no hesitation to hand ownership back to her. She originally planned to surprise Thane with a whole week or two of things to do on the desert world. There was no way all of that would happen now. She had to cut out almost everything save for a last minute ATV and shuttle rental, and a special, romantic dinner. As casually as possible she had asked what Thane's favorite meal was. At first the idea seemed a mistake as his favorite was of course something drell. It turned out it was very easy to find because the modern drell diet was largely seafood from the hanar home world. The drell recipes had become popular exotic meals amongst the seafood loving asari. Intai'sei, although human dominated had an asari run restaurant chain that served food from all over the galaxy. Because many of the people on Intai'sei tended to live miles and miles apart, the food was sold frozen for take home so that people cook the meals on their own.

The Normandy would remain in orbit around Intai'sei and Joker would pilot the shuttle to drop Rylie, Thane, and Garrus off at the small port town, Walden. There Rylie and Thane would take off for the apartment and leave Garrus behind. As planned Garrus was under the impression she was about to be arrested. It seemed cruel to trick Garrus like this, however Rylie felt like she was left with no other option. After Joker dropped them off, she sent Thane to pick up the rental vehicles while she took a very confused Garrus aside for a chat.

"Here are some credits and here is a ticket to Palaven," Rylie waved her omni tool while he held his awkwardly up to receive the items, "Good bye Garrus. "

"What?" as stiff as a turians face could be, Garrus expressed something close a kicked puppy. His mandibles flared out, but sadly down and his eyes were wide, "I thought you were being arrested?"

"I am. I'm just getting you the hell out of here first," Rylie said.

"I won't go anywhere. I'm sticking by your side so I can help you through this," Garrus said.

"No, Garrus, you can't. No one can help me right now," Rylie said.

"But Thane can?"

"Not even Thane. I'm going to give him credits and a ticket off planet just like you. Before that we're just going to go spend a day at my vacation house. The Alliance is arresting me there tomorrow," Rylie said.

"More sitting around and doing nothing. Really?" Garrus asked.

"You'd really think we'd do that?" Rylie smiled, "We're about to be separated for who knows how long and you think we'd just sit around and do nothing?"

"So I've inadvertently become a third wheel in your remaining romantic hours with Thane," Garrus said.

"You kind of did," Rylie nodded, "Whenever I get out of this, whenever the Reapers attack, then I'll need you around again. Thane however...I'd like to keep thinking I will get to see him again."

Garrus quietly looked beyond her in the direction Thane disappeared to. Then he turned back to her and put his hand on her shoulder, "You'll get to see him again."

"I know."

"What should I do till you get back out?" Garrus asked.

"Go spend time with your family. What do you think the ticket to Palaven is for?"

"How will that help you?" Garrus asked.

"Who the hell cares about me right now, Garrus, this is about you. Go be selfish for a few months. That's all any of us can do for now. Once the Reapers start attacking, everyone is going to regret not spending time with the people they love while they had the chance," Rylie said.

"True, but we need to do something to prepare though," Garrus said.

"Use your own head for that. I've got to answer for what I've done, we've already discussed this. Just don't forget about your family," Rylie said.

"Okay. I guess it is about time I paid my family a visit," Garrus sighed then looked past her, "I think," Rylie turned to see Thane arrive in the rental shuttle, pulling a trailer behind it, "What are you two planning to do?"

"We're going quading," Rylie grinned.

"I'm sorry could you repeat that?" Garrus asked.

"We're going...oh..." Rylie laughed, "Four wheeling, we're going to ride ATV's on the sand dunes."

"You sure I can't come along," Garrus asked.

"Romantic final hours," Rylie said.

"I'll stay out of the way. I can sleep on the couch," Garrus said.

"Sure, if the couch wasn't just a few feet away from the bed," Rylie said.

"What kind of cheap apartment is this if everything is in one room?" Garrus asked.

"Everything is ready to go," Thane said as he approached, "The false identities went through without any issue."

"Good, no surprise arrest," Rylie said.

"Vakarian," Thane held his hand out and shook hands with Garrus, "You have been a good friend and it's been a pleasure working with you."

"What, you're not going to give me any calls?" Garrus shook his head, "Just because she's out of the circle, doesn't mean we can't go hang out at a shooting range sometime."

"I'll try to stay in contact with you then," Thane smiled.

With their final goodbye, Thane and Rylie left Garrus behind and climbed into shuttle. They drove out into a vast red desert and opened the windows to let the hot, dry air fill the vehicle. The air blowing into the vehicle felt like a dryer on full blast but Rylie resisted the urge to close the windows. The trade off was seeing Thane perk up a great deal. He took a deep breath and smiled wide. Even his skin become a darker, healthier green. He looked around in a way that reminded her of a tourist that took a lot of pictures. Only he took those pictures with his mind instead of camera.

"Have you never been to a desert before?" Rylie shouted over the noise in the shuttle.

Thane shouted back, "I have visited deserts before, but while on a job, often in a city. I've never had much of a chance to go sightseeing. Look at those trees over there! Can we stop by those for a moment?"

"Sure," Rylie typed a command into the shuttles computer and it turned towards the patches of trees across a very flat area of cracked land. The partch the shuttled stopped by were thin and dry, with frail, naked branches. Around their base was a thick, spiny brush that prevented the couple from getting too close. Thane circled the trees and reached up to pull a branch down to inspect it. On one of the branches Rylie spotted a six legged, winged creature with large eyes that blended in with its tan, scaly skin.

"Look at this weird looking guy," Rylie pointed. Thane walked back around to her side.

"Fascinating," Thane smiled.

"Here," Rylie turned her omni tool on and turned around, "Lean in,"

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Taking a picture," Rylie said and Thane immediately leaned away, "Come on, I'll encrypt it. It's so I can have something to take with me."

"I see," he wrapped his arm around her to lean back in. A holo appeared above the omni tool that displayed a preview of the image. She moved it around a little to get the creature in the shot above their heads. She smiled and nudged him, "Smile." When he did she pressed a button, the omni tool made a buzz and clip noise like an old camera, "That wasn't so bad was it?" she asked. He hummed in an uncomfortable manner and turned back to the tree.

_This is going to be a problem...I need to figure out how to convince him this is harmless.  
><em>

The concept of pictures seemed to be a culturally strange stigma to drell. Or at least the older generations. She learned that after a situation where a random fan tried to get a picture of her. Thane took evasive maneuvers to avoid being caught by the camera. She tried to tease him afterwards about being camera shy only to get an angry earful explanation of his reasons behind it. In Thane's case, one obvious reason was he didn't need someone who wanted him dead to track him. To the drell species, with their perfect memory pictures weren't very necessary. There was no religious scare of souls being sucked out, it was more of mixed shyness and the feeling their privacy was invaded by the strange, pointless technology. However younger generations who had more galactic influences had no problem with it.

Rylie hardly ever took pictures to keep for herself. With constantly being on the move all her life, no family, friends and boyfriends who weren't around long enough, she never had felt a strong reason to. The few pictures that still survived on her omni tool, were tucked away, mostly forgotten till she would came across them again when looking up something else. On the Normandy SR2, Cerberus left a frame on one of the desks to decorate the room. It was the first frame she had ever owned and it sat empty on her desk for the entire mission. She had never really appreciated the value of a picture till now, with someone she knew well in advance would be temporary like everyone else had been. Of course, the first time in her life she actually wanted to take pictures had to be with someone who didn't particularly like to have his picture taken.

When the shuttle ride continued, they shut the windows so they could speak to each other in a normal tone of voice. She pulled the center cushion down to close the cup holders, then scooted to the center next to him. She twisted and put her feet up on the seat to lean into him. Then she tried to playfully take another picture and he grunted in disapproval. She reached her arm around the back of his neck to sneak another shot in and said, "Come on, you know my memory isn't as good as yours. I want to remember this trip for a long time." As she had hoped, connecting the pictures to memories seemed to turn his opinion about it a little.

"Hrmm, I would hope so," he leaned in to kiss her. It was what she called the memory issue. Thane often came across very shocked at things she couldn't remember, tiny details like the eye color of a merc they pursued to more important, personal things like the eye color of her own mother. He had privately expressed some fear that she would forget him after he was gone. No matter how much she assured him that couldn't happen, the idea seemed to fester in him whenever she would forget the simplest things. Like her own birthday.

"I noticed that you made a special food purchase by the way," Thane said.

"You did, did you?" Rylie smiled a little.

"I had wondered why you asked me about my favorite dish," he said.

"Was hoping to surprise you. It's my turn to try food from your people."

"I do not mean any offense, but do you know how to cook weit fish and hanar seaweed?" he asked.

"Actually I was hoping you knew how to cook it," she pressed her lips together.

"Fortunately I do," he said.

A little over an hour they made another stop by a colorful canyon, where she took several more shots. This time he smiled on his own for the pictures. On the final hour drive to the apartment they both slept, the seat reclined and cuddled up next to each other. The shuttle's windows were dimmed to block out the bright Phoenix star that still hung high in the sky. It may have been late in the afternoon on Intai'sei, by standard galactic time it was very late to them. When they finally arrived, they drowsily dragged their bags inside, put the food away in the fridge and collapsed into the bed. With a press of a button at the bed side, the large windows of the apartment also blocked out the bright sunlight.

When their technical morning came along, Rylie used the same bed side button to undim the windows, only to see it was pitch black out.

"Won't be much fun going outside with as dark as it is," Rylie said.

"We could always have fun in the dark right here," he pulled her close and began to kiss her neck gently.

She chuckled, "I better get the lotion then."

"Did you bring the good one?" Thane asked.

"Of course I brought the good one," she said in a raspy voice as she got up. The good one was a lotion Mordin had highly suggested to prevent rashes. It was asari, made from a flower on their home world Thessia with a very calming, pleasant scent and the faint traces of eezo. Thus it had the added benefit of creating a pleasuring experience for biotics. Since the stuff was highly expensive, usually the couple had to stick with some not nearly pleasant store brand stuff.

Using lotion had become standard foreplay for them. Especially after the disaster that was their first time. Although they had both read up on Mordin's advice, afterwards Thane had to make a quiet visit to the doctor to retrieve some rash cream. Then the following mission on the Collector base became a whole other level of hellish for Rylie because the cream wore away. The lotions and creams weren't a total fix, she still would get a small, minor rash somewhere, depending on where the lotion may have been too thin or missed entirely. She took to calling it the love rash to make a joke of it and to ease Thane who had been far more bothered by it than she was.

Then of course there was the little high and mild hallucinations that she got from kissing him. They usually revolved around the taste and smell of good food. Often she was left hungry after they had sex. This morning she was left starved. While they ate, they watched the star start to rise and planned to do their usual morning routine outside. Rylie enlisted Thane's help to get sunscreen on her back. A sunscreen she had thought about well in advanced, making sure to find something with the right chemical base to also protect her from the love rash.

"Your skin is so sensitive Siha, I'm not sure how your species survived with your planets star if it could burn you," Thane smiled.

"I'll have you know, the asari consort herself told me my skin is tougher than a turians," as she spoke, his smile grew in amusement.

"Did she really?" he chuckled.

"I'd like to see how funny you think it is when I have a sunburn and we don't have sex again for the rest of this trip," she grinned when his went away and he displayed his poker face. Rylie turned to him, "Go on out and get some sun. I can get the rest of this stuff on myself," she gave him a light kiss to send him off. There had really been no time to go shopping for vacation wear, so she was going out in her sports bra, uniform cargo pants, and boots. She couldn't even remember the last time she got to wear a pair of jeans, let alone shorts or a bathing suit.

When she stepped out of the bathroom and walked across the room, she stopped at the steps that lead to the little entertainment room area. She could see Thane outside the window, stretching in the morning sunlight with only his pants on. She quietly stepped down the stairs and over to the couch to sit down on her knees and lean against the back to watch him for a moment. The sunlight glistened off his smooth scales and drew attention to his flexing muscles with every slow stretch he did. He even did a few yoga poses. It always made her smile, not just because she was impressed by how sexy he looked while doing it. Mostly she was flattered that he had gone out of his way to study some of her Hindu culture, even if she wasn't much of a practitioner herself. She raised her omni tool and snuck a few more pictures. He then looked straight at her with a puzzled look on his face and she knew she was busted. Rylie grinned and waved before she got up to grab a self cooling water bottle before she headed outside.

"Were you enjoying the view?" he asked as she approached.

"Yup, and so were the two retired marine women sitting in the house over there," she pointed her water bottle to the neighboring home. Thane looked over at the home with a disturbed look on his face. She set the bottle down in the dirt, then began stretching, "Let's do some hand to hand today."

"That is a good idea. I would actually like to show you something I've learned," Thane said as he continued to stretch.

"Oh? Alright, " Rylie said. When she finished her stretches, she got into a defensive stance. Fists raised in the air like a boxer. Instead of going into an offense, Thane took her hands and placed one on his shoulder and held the other one firmly out. His freehand rested on her lower back, "You learned to dance," Rylie smiled.

"Specifically the waltz," Thane said.

"Waltz?"

"I thought it was a common human dance," he said.

"I...well, maybe not the part of the world I'm from?" Rylie shrugged.

"Then perhaps you can teach me a dance from your people," Thane said.

Rylie let out a loud laugh, "You really think after that stunt I pulled on Omega, I've had a single dance lesson in my life? Besides, takes a lot of discipline to do the dances from my culture. One finger out of place and you offend universe. Might be a little extra hard with your fingers."

"The waltz then? It's simple," Thane said.

"Sounds good to me," Rylie said.

"First you step back with your right foot..." he began to lead her along in the steps, creating a square in the sand, "Then we repeat, to keep rhythm we count. One two three, one two three,"

"Maybe I do know this," Rylie said as they continued.

"You do?"

"I think I saw it in a movie once. Isn't there suppose to be spinning?"

"Yes, but that makes things slightly more complicated," Thane said.

"Complicated, pff. I've got the square down, spin me," Rylie said.

"Then follow my lead, keep counting. Ease into it..." Thane lead her into a turn.

"Woo," Rylie was surprised by it.

"Something the matter?" Thane asked as he paused.

"Not the spinning I was thinking of, but fun though," Rylie grinned.

"What sort of spinning were you thinking about," Thane asked.

"Forget it, let's just keep going. One two three..." they continued to dance slowly across the sand and Rylie spoke up after a bit, "We need music."

"Got it," Thane flicked his omni tool on as they paused a moment. He turned on a very familiar tune.

"Now, I really recognize this, don't know the name though," Rylie said.

"The Blue Danube. Now, let's continue. One two three..." off they went again, their pace increasing as they went along and in a way she began to lead. He said, "Not too fast, it has to be with the beat of the song."

"Okay," Rylie said trying to slow the pace down again, "I need a video of this." She took her omni tool out of her pocket, setting it to record a few feet away on the ground. She returned to him and they continued to dance. Eventually, he showed her a dance from his own culture. Another simple dance that they stood side by side, with arms locked, sweeping their legs in front of them as they moved back and forth, side to side.

"Put your back against mine, and lock your other arm with mine," he said and she followed his directions.

"Ready," she said and then she erupted into laughter as he lifted her up onto his back. He began to run around in a circle, "This isn't a dance is it?" she asked.

"No," Thane said, with a little strain in his voice.

"Glad to see this weather is making you feel good enough to show off," Rylie said.

They spent the rest of the morning riding the ATV's a few miles out from the apartment. They took a packed lunch with them with plenty of water and picnicked on some sand dunes. More pictures were taken, this time Thane instigated them himself by stealing her omni tool. They wrestled around the picnic blanket, trying to gain control of the little device, when she noticed a red streak in the sand. She reached out and pushed the sand to the side and up popped a desert flower. It had a long red steam and leaves, and red edged, white petals that created a funnel like shape. She snatched the omni tool back from Thane and scanned the flower.

"Not poisonous and not endangered, " she said before she picked it. She held it over to him, "I read somewhere, that it is drell custom to keep certain objects to trigger favorite memories. This flower is for you to have a good memory triggering... thing."

"Mnema'syne... a memory key," Thane smiled as he took the flower.

"I wasn't sure how to pronounce it," Rylie said.

"I will cherish it, thank you," he kissed her lightly, "I'm not sure how I will be able to keep it alive though."

"Dry it out, hang it upside down for a few weeks. It'll be delicate but it will hold it's color and shape better," she said. Thane gave her a curious look and she was forced to explain herself, "One of my tutors when I got into biotic boot camp made a hobby out of drying flowers. He always had the stuff hanging around the room."

"I see. What sort of tutors was this?" he asked.

"Um...a private tutor teaching me elementary math," she pressed her lips together for a moment, "I had to get all the elementary school stuff shoved in a short period of time before I could officially join the Alliance. So I had all these private tutors for two or three months at a time..."

Later, when they returned to the apartment, she made her way to the bathroom for a cold shower to clean the dirt away. Even though she brought herself several bottles of water, she still felt weakened and tired from the heat. She also had to pee again. Thane was exactly opposite, he was so energized that there was a bounce in his step. He followed her to the bathroom, ignoring the word cold as she repeatedly warned him. Cold to her meant really, really cold to him. He remained undeterred though. Then she stripped and used the toilet, she noticed he had a strange expression on his face.

_We peed in front of each other ten times today, he can't be weirded out now..._

"What's wrong, you okay?" she asked as she flushed the toilet. He turned and cleared his throat, hand hovering over his mouth.

"Yes, I'm fine," Thane said, his voice sounded stressed.

"You don't sound fine," she said.

"Um... I..." Thane roughly coughed and Rylie felt her chest tighten.

"Now you're scaring me," Rylie moved to his side. He moved his hand from his mouth a little to show the smile he had. His eyes glanced down to her chest and back up to her, "What?" she looked down at her chest.

"The sunscreen appears to have not been strong enough," he chuckled.

"It's a tan line. No biggie," Rylie traced her hand on where her bra strap left a mark. Thane looked away and coughed again, clearly trying to hold back laughter, "What's so funny?"

"I apologize but it looks so very strange," he cleared his throat. Admittedly, she couldn't remember the last time she had seen her skin this dark and the contrast with her paled, starship skin was a bit drastic.

"You know to a human male this would be pretty damn sexy," Rylie then cupped her breasts, "It highlights the boobs." Thane burst into laughter and leaned against counter, arm rested on his stomach. Rylie had never seen him like this before. Laughter escaped her own mouth as she turned, "What do you think of that Thane?" she slapped her butt cheek as she headed towards the shower stall.

"Ah! Rylie," he roared.

"It's a good thing I don't have any insecure issues with my skin or anything," Rylie smiled.

"I am sorry," Thane sputtered out and gasped.

"Don't be, I like seeing you like this," Rylie turned the shower on to the cold temperature, "Mister polite and stiff, can't stand up straight he's laughing so hard." In a blink of an eye, she felt him wrap his arms around her and then unwrap them to jump back away.

"Why is the water like ice!" Thane demanded.

"I warned you," Rylie shouted.

"That is too cold, you are going to make yourself ill," Thane said.

"If I don't cool off I'll get ill," Rylie said, "Just give me five minutes, please," she felt a little guilty as he retreated back out of the shower stall. They didn't really have a lot of time left, fifteen hours at the most, but she felt like her head would explode if she didn't take a cold shower. After a moment it did the trick, she felt tired but relieved, then she heard that old camera sound that came from her omni tool, "What are you doing?" Rylie looked back at the opening of the stall.

"Nothing," Thane responded. She looked around the corner into the bathroom. Thane stood quietly in the buff, hands folded behind his back, "Have you changed the temperature yet?" he asked.

She noticed her omni tool now sat on the counter, "How did my omni tool go from my pants pocket to the counter?"

"You took it out of your pocket and put it there," Thane tilted his head a little.

"No I didn't, I left it in my pocket," Rylie said.

"The heat must be affecting your memory, Siha. I saw you take it out and leave it on the counter before you undressed," Thane said.

"Did you take a naked picture of yourself?" Rylie flat out asked.

"What!" Thane looked somewhat offended at the suggestion, "I would never be so conceited!" Rylie immediately stepped out of the stall and walked over to the counter. Thane moved quickly and reached out to stop her. She tried to avoid him only to slip on the tile floor. She lit up in a blue burst of biotics to cushion her fall, then realized Thane had grabbed her by the arm. She hung in the air, awkwardly and then used her biotics to pull her omni tool over. He used his biotics to push the omni tool back. The omni tool floated in the air, swaying back and forth just out of reach of her hand.

"You know I'm going to see it eventually," Rylie said.

"If you wish to see my naked, I'm right here," Thane said.

"You really took a picture of yourself naked! " she shouted as he dropped the omni tool back onto the counter. He flipped her around in an attempt to pick her up, only she slipped away and tugged on her arm that he still grasped tightly. Then she said, "I'm going to send a copy to everyone." His brow hardened and he began to pull her back toward the shower stall. Her wet feet slid across the floor with ease. She continued to tease, "I'm going to send a copy to Jack and you know she's going to find the biggest billboard in the galaxy to put it on."

He braved the cold water to change the temperature to a more comfortable lukewarm. The water negated too much physical contact between them, any protection on her skin had been washed away. So they stood in the shower with a few inches between them, holding hands and kissing awkwardly. They had discovered long ago that his hands never seemed to cause any rash, they could hold hands and he could touch her without consequence. And of course, there was no rash caused by lip contact. Just the euphoria and right now, the taste and smell of barbecue chicken. This all meant they could become a bit more sexually creative at times like this. The mood killer was that she was still too fatigued to respond well to his traveling hands and lips. She ended up leaning against the wall of the stall, happy but half asleep.

"Perhaps you should take a nap. I'll prepare dinner while you rest," he spoke in a soft voice.

"That sounds nice," she gave him a weak smile. After the shower, she dried off and immediately got into the bed. With the barbecue chicken taste still in her mouth, she dreamt about hosting a barbecue outside of the apartment. It was as if all the problems she had went away. No more Cerberus, no more Batarian massacre, no more Kepral's killing her boyfriend, most importantly, no more Reapers. She was at the grill, somehow she knew how to use it and meat would appear out of nowhere on the grill. She'd scoop it up and put it on paper plates. Everyone was there from both Normandy crews, with the addition of Feron and Kolyat. Anderson, Ashley, and Kaidan showed up as though nothing had happened. Kaidan brought along several bottles of Canadian whiskey and became quick friends with Miranda. They were all casually dressed in summer cloths, Rylie had a pair of long desired, comfortable jeans on, and there was no clear reason to why Garrus and Tali could stomach the food. In fact, part of the dream Rylie spent trying to catch Tali with her mask off. Whenever she took the mask off, her back was turned and Rylie would run around only to see Tali had another mask underneath.

Then reality returned. Rylie woke up to a small rash on her hip and a very sweet smell. She sat up to see Thane had dressed and was in the middle of setting the table. He had even lit a couple of fat candles that she did not recall purchasing. She got her own cloths back on and sat at the table with omni tool in hand to take pictures as he finished the final touches to the meal.

"You are looking much better now," Thane said.

"I feel a lot better," Rylie said as she zoomed in on the meal. Once cooked the weit fish fell apart in stringy, chunks and it had very sweet, mango like taste to it. He showed her how the drell ate the meal and wrapped the fish in the bland Hanar seaweed, then dipped it in a cool sauce.

"Ever thought of adding rice to this?" Rylie asked.

"I've seen a human serve rice with the meal before. I suppose this isn't that far off from the meals of your people. Only, your people tend to make your food more spicy. My people prefer things more sweet," Thane said. When dinner was done they washed the dishes and tidied up the apartment. Rylie didn't want to leave it a mess for the admiral who would no doubt have it returned to his ownership again. Then they danced for a bit to soft music, not the waltz this time, they alternatively just held each other close as they rocked back and forth. It wasn't too long before they were in bed again with a bottle of lotion. The rest of the night was restless. Even though she longed to sleep, she couldn't with the thought that any moment the warning call from Joker would come in. Thane could not sleep either and they drowsily talked for hours, losing track of time over the most simple conversation topics they had never had the time to talk about before.

What's your favorite color? Did you see this movie? Have you been to this place?

The sound of the consul finally going off brought on such a cold dead silence to the room. It was Joker, the Alliance had entered the system and were on their way to board the Normandy. In s few hours they expected a separate squad to be sent to her location to pick her up. The couple got redressed to have a very quick, premade burrito breakfast in bed and again, they watched the sky change colors as the Phoenix star began to rise. She took a picture this time, as well as one of him lit up in the orange morning glow.

"Was the star rising or setting when we first met," Rylie asked. Thane looked at her with a disturbed look on his face, "I seriously don't remember. I lost all track of time chasing you up that building. All I know was that the light was in my eyes when I first saw you. I didn't even know you were green for a while there."

"It was morning, the star was rising," Thane said.

"Damn it... ah well it doesn't matter, it's still all backwards. This star should be setting right now, not rising," Rylie said.

"That's a curious concern," Thane said.

"Trying to think of something romantic you know, wait..." She shook her head, "No, the sun rising again is better."

"The sun rising now would mean it's not the end for us yet. It's a new beginning," Thane said.

"Exactly," Rylie smiled and leaned into him. A cloud of dust from a vehicle began to show over the horizon. An early morning rider was somewhere out in the distance.

"How can you not remember whether it was evening or morning when we met," Thane asked.

"I was expecting to recruit a skilled fighter that day, not a potential boyfriend. I don't think any of that was even remotely romantic anyways. Did you?" Rylie said.

"You didn't like the corpse I dropped from the vent for you," Thane asked.

Rylie laughed, "I think Garrus was more impressed with you that day than I was," the look on Thane's face told her that despite his little joke, he was a tad displeased with hers. It was all the memory thing again. She didn't exactly start the conversation off well, not remembering details of their first meeting which should have been vital to her.

"You know what I found really _memorable_ about how we first met," she asked.

"Tell me," he said.

"The fact with everything that was going on, you took the time to make sure as many of those salarians were as safe. I was really impressed later when you told me you were trying to race me to the top and you still took that time to protect those guys," Rylie smiled as he leaned in towards her, "Yeah, you were incredibly skilled at kicking all those guys asses. That dance you did to take out Nassana was pretty slick and unforgettable. But the compassion you showed for those salarians. I knew I was dealing with someone I was going to like. Love is an entirely different story though,"she said. He kissed her long and intensely. The thought crossed her mind to risk going lotionless for a quickie, only sound of a shuttle landing outside pushed that thought away. She pulled away to stare into his eyes, one of those rare occasions where she could see the green hue of his irises.

"I enjoyed very much Siha. Thank you for bringing me here," Thane had a soft smile on his face.

"I'm just happy it happened at all," Rylie said with a sigh, "Not as I wanted it to happen, but it happened. At least we got to go quading."

"That is a very unfortunate phrase," Thane said.

"I know," Rylie laughed and kissed him again before she sat up.

"I will send you messages whenever I can," Thane ran his hand down her back. She could even feel a slight tug on her shirt as though he was tempted to hold her back.

"I hope that I get to see them and respond," Rylie said, " Make sure you talk to your son. Spend time with him, don't waste time waiting on me please."

"Yes, of course," Thane said. Rylie climbed out of the bed then turned back to him.

"And use those credits I gave you. Use it on anything you want, anything at all," she said.

"I will," Thane said getting up onto his knees.

"You can spend a few more days here if you want. I won't mind. It's been really good for your health..." she stopped when he put his hand on her cheek.

"It will not be the same without you," Thane said. He kissed her again. She didn't want to bother to stop him to go and attempted to drag this kiss out.

_Another minute please. Keep delaying._

__To her disappointment he had the sense to pull away. He leaned his head against hers in hesitation though.

"When this is over... when we win... how about we come back here," Rylie said, "You can spend your last days basking out in the sunlight. I'll take care of you, we can hire a nurse or maybe Kolyat can come help out too."

"I'd like that," Thane said. They both winced at the booming voice that said the very words Rylie never imagined she would ever hear.

"Commander Rylie Shanti Shepard, by order of Admiral Hackett of the Systems Alliance, you are to be taken into custody. Come out of the building with your hands in the air."

She could feel her heart sink like a ton of brinks, her body froze up in pain.

_I joined them to avoid prison. Here I am being arrested by them. _

"Time for me to go. I'll see you later love," Rylie sighed as she pulled herself away. Her hand held onto his for a moment though. He kissed it gently.

"Until then, Siha," he smiled and she smiled back.

The soldiers voice boomed again, "This is your first warning. We will infiltrate the premises if you do not come out with your hands up in there air, immediately."

"I'm coming," Rylie shouted.

"Everything will be fine," Thane said.

"I know it will," Rylie began to walk away. She walked outside with her hands up in the air. Eight Alliance soldiers swarmed around her, weapons pulled and ready. A couple slipped past her into the building. Another scanned her with his omni tool.

"She's not carrying any weapons, only an omni tool," he said. The team's lead approached her.

"Hand over your omni tool," he held his hand out. Rylie stared quietly at the soldier, then she reached down into her pocket to pull it out.

_Of course they would confiscate that..._ She dropped the tool into the palm of his hand.

"No one else is here, it's clear" one of the soldiers came back out of the apartment.

"Is there any chance I can get some files back later?" Rylie asked as the previous soldier that scanned her now cuffed her hands.

"That isn't up to me," the soldier put the omni tool away into an armored pocket. As they led her away to the shuttle, she made a quick glance back to the apartment. Thane sat on the roof of the apartment, close to an indent he could easily slip into hide. There was a sharp pain in her chest as she looked forward again to climb into the shuttle.

_You didn't really need those pictures. It was a fun thought. You'll get to take more later. You will see him again and he will be alive and everything will be fine. Shit... there's a naked picture of him in there. Well at least they can't accuse me of being a human supremacist anymore. It smells like spaghetti in here..._


End file.
